There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
