we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i came on her dog
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
