The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
where are my eyebrows?
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