We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
