i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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