There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
