end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i will never coherently bang her
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
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