The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
