I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
