I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
