He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
