i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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