I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
