I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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