Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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