I have demons in me.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
