please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
