who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
