and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
