Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
