she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
