great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
