Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
