there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
