He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
