did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
