i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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