Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
