I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
