Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
