I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
