Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
