Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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