There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
