ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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