I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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