he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
