I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
