i would punch a child for taco bell
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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