And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My life is pants optional.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
