In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
