**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
This is my life. Enjoy the view
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
