You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
