It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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