I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
