i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you didnt know i had herpes?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
