We named our party play list daddy issues
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
