exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
