I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
