I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
